Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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