So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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