Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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