you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
