There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Soap is not a condiment
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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