She is in my trunk
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
