Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
