Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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