Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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