It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
