You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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