I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
