I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
