I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
