remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
try to milk me bitch
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