she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
birth control should be required to get into college
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
