u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
no. you can't hotbox the world.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
