does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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