call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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