Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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