Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
