my sisters under your porch take her home
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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