i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
