I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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