Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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