wanna go halves on a baby?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
