found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
