I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize