Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
