did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
