oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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