And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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