Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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