foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
