hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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