Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
