Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
