I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
