Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
