Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
