I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
