Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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