so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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