Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
