I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
