he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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