One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
