Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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