Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
