So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
