he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
