I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
