I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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