I think my fart just growled at me.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize