I'm really into asian looking animals
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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