i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
