I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
