Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
