FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
