You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
