you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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