he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
