Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
