Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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