Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
