I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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