what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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