ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
