you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
