Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I need moral support for this bender
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
