Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
