I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
