We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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