Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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