i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
