So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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