wrigley field is MILF paradise
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
