Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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