I want to have your abortion
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
