So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
