this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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