I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
