I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
