I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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