If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
