Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
