If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize