Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
