pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
