you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
