so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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