sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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